I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We talked him into tasing himself.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
