What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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