...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
