I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
