Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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