I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
