My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
