I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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