if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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