i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
