i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
