Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
