I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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