Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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