Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
