I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
