just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
