Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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