this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
