ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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