Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
