if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
