And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
