yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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