im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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