I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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