do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
