that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
