dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
