Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
