i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
