Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
