also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
