Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
