Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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