you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
