What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
