there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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