I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
