We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
