so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
