I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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