I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
