Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
