I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
