he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
