are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
