I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
