Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
