Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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