you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
