i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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