dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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