she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
