It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
