when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
