i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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