What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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