Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
