I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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