bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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