In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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