Who did Billy Mays play for?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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