he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
