I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
