dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
