you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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