Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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