i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
