YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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