**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
