the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
