I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
