Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
