It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Even my vagina gasped.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
