I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wear drunk well.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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