did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have fence marks all over my body
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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