Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
