Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
